Are You Happy?

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It has been a few weeks and I am still not over the season finally of Being Mary Jane. There was something about her character going through so much turmoil  right when everything she had worked hard for was starting to happen. As an African American woman I realized that the mainstream media realizes how profitable I am and creates shows like this along with the Real Housewives of Atlanta and even Blood, Sweat and Heels to reel me in to this televised version of role-play that in some ways mirror my life. Why is it that the people I see on the tv screen are so relatable to me and my life and  on shows that normally focus on pride, greedy and romance?

After watching a few reality tv shows I started to wonder what is wrong with “these women”? In a vain way I wanted to compare myself to them and found a few similarities. That moment of accountability and vulnerability allowed me to direct a situation I had been harboring for a long time.  I was so shocked to sit down and bask in the revelation that I was unhappy. Me, the most chipper girl that anyone could ever meet.  After my 33rd birthday I was supposed to embark upon a life where I had it made and I would wake up everyday trying to Manifest My Destiny. Yet, I was slowly sinking into a pit of disappear and I noticed that I wasnt happy. I wasnt happy with where I was physically, mentally and emotionally. From the outside looking in there were parts that looked amazing but they showcased my ambition and strength. As women we seem to work so hard on everything that will help us build a temple but rarely do we think about what it takes to decorate the inside so that it can become a home. When you watch reality tv, all you see is a bunch of beautiful and  affluent women fussing and fighting over little things that mostly have to do with pride and attention because at the end of it all they are not happy.  I know a lot of you are going to say I am out of line for saying they are not happy but many of them have admitted to it on the show. That is what makes the show so darn juicy. These women have relationship problems, kid problems, money problems, body problems and more just like US.

Why are so many images of minority women on tv showing aggressive and violent women? Most of these women have a lot going for them. How can someone seemingly look like they have it all and not be happy? How can you be so blessed with all you could ever dream of but still be unhappy. I personally felt the sting of unhappiness when I questioned my romantic life. I never thought about having kids until I turned 33 and realized that each year I continued to wait makes it less realistic to accomplish starting a family. Why was I waiting and who was I waiting for and why did that decision I made when I was 13 or 15 making me feel depressed and “unaccomplished” at 33? I knew that I wanted to do something special in my life and I needed a certain type of guy to keep me motivated. I have an extremely aggressive mindset and it takes a lot of patience to deal with me. I love that about myself and feel that it is what makes me memorable in all of my relationships. So, I made a decision that when dating a guy I would make sure I look for the things I needed more so than wanted and promised myself that I would NEVER settle. So, how did such an awesome promise make me feel like a failure over 15 years later?

I noticed that I spent more time looking for what I needed in a guy rather than what I needed myself to PRODUCE. I got lost focusing on men that were running towards the finish line instead of starting and running my own race. So, at the age of 33 I felt like all I accomplished was waiting. I had no clue that I was waiting. I was waiting on the wrong thing for the wrong reasons for an end goal that I never imagined for myself. So, a year later and a few extra months – I find myself sitting in front of my tv watching the season finally of Being Mary Jane and realize that she’s waiting as well. She has the perfect career, body and sometimes friends but she still goes home to an empty house and a wine bottle to wait. How can you be happy like that? How can you break the cycle of living life in line waiting for your dreams to fall from the sky? How can we not be like the women on tv just waiting for an opportunity to be noticed so that they can remain relevant and closer to their waiting being over so they can finally be happy? We have to realize that we are not happy! We have to stop waiting! We have to live life to live and not wait for things to happen that we are so sure will finally make us happy!

It takes a lot to come to terms with the idea that you are not where you wanted to be or imagined at this stage in your life. How can you change that? How can you fix that. How can you get up out of the hole of contentment that has forced you to sit still day in and day out in comfort? How can you finally open your eyes and see that your happiness starts with you? Stop waiting on your happiness to come from someone else in your life or a situation that will make things better. You have to find happiness within yourself. You’ll actually need some joy, love and happiness. Think about who you are and what you want to do with your life. Find happiness in knowing that every day you are working on what makes you happy and the fact that you are doing what makes you happy, that should add some happiness in our life.

While we are taking the time to make sure that our weave is right lets use a few minutes to get our heart clear. While we apply makeup to hide the bags under our eyes lets take some time to ease our mind. While we put on clothes that make us look flawless and hit any insecurities we may have with our body let’s try and do some soul-searching. Lastly, while we are trying to stack those coins lets increase our good karma by being more positive and helping others. When we get our priorities in order and do less to please those that look at us we can get closer to happiness by concentrating on us and WHO WE ARE on the inside. After all , that’s the only thing people ever really remember.

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12 Comments

  1. Marisa Jones

    May 1, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    This is everything I swear . Im so in love with your blog!

    • Monica Hartford

      May 1, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      This was deep Thank you for sharing Jessica

    • Jessica LaShawn

      May 1, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      Thank You HUG

  2. Jessica LaShawn

    May 1, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    The only way we can truly help each other out is by sharing our stories so that we can see that we are not alone. Thats how we can lay a foundation to get stronger.

  3. Tomica Riley

    May 1, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    I dont think that the tv shows focus on black women being unhappy. I think it focuses more on what black women are willing to do for attention. Thats the same in real life and the truth is that they are going to act a fool just to get noticed. So no you wouldnt be happy if your goal in life is to have people envy you because you are on tv or you wear fancy things or have the best imported hair . Every one is fake. No one is willing to embrace who they are and that leave them with the void you talk about and confussing it for not being happy .NO YOU JUST Arent able to compete with the chics on tv. They are out of your league. Ssame thing with wanting babies. I dont believe you havent found someone worth of having babies with and why do you need someone adopt if your so worried about not being able to. Youre adding fear instead of helping to erase it.

    • Jessica LaShawn

      May 1, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      I agree to a certain extent . I shared my thoughts and I thank you for reading.

  4. Monica Hartford

    May 1, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    WOW Tomica!
    I get that black women are portrayed as violent on tv and we all wonder why they would stoop that low but we have seen less of it over the years since viewers have been holding the ladies on these shows accountable. Now they promote talking it out rather than being violent. Have you not seen the growth of the shows cast members over the years?

    • Jessica LaShawn

      May 1, 2015 at 6:56 pm

      I agree that the cast members have been able to showcase a more mature approach to conflict on the show. I think the only reason they get upset is because they hate to look like they are soft on tv.

  5. Michael Stroupe

    May 1, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    Are you happy now Jessica ?

  6. Jessica LaShawn

    May 1, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    Via FB :

    Absolutely LOVE, per usual. I actually posted something similar to this and have been having the same thoughts. Happiness is truly a choice and something to actively consider everyday, with every person and situation you encounter. I ask myself “is this person or situation serving ME?” Is this making me better, or happy? Do I feel compelled or challenged? Some might think this is selfish, but those people and situations that are supposed to be in your life will fit the criteria anyway. Choosing happiness everyday really changes your perspective and allows you to be freed of the “what ifs” and “when’s” of life. You learn to do the best you can, work hard, enjoy yourself, and let things run their course.

  7. Marchetta Stall

    May 1, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    This is a hard pill to swallow. The point you made about holding yourself accountable is something we aren’t aught to do. We are taught everything on earth but how to truly live. Our society puts being accepted and obtaining some form of success above the art of enjoying life.

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